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[02 Dec 2005|12:02am] |
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i suppose this is goodbye forever
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[18 Oct 2005|07:50pm] |
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i'm converting to scientology because michelle wants to be the katie to my tom, i have to go impregnate her with an alien child now
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[07 Sep 2005|10:48pm] |
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the flood... gas prices.... the supreme court.... and now ( this )
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[06 Aug 2005|03:46am] |
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i know i am not the only person who just can't feel at ease in the perfect situation. never has the word too been so hurtful. i am too in love, too jealous, too possesive, too sensitive. i am excessive to a regrettable degree, and you just aren't. for some reason that just proves impossible for you. i know that i am drunk but i also know when too much is too much, when the smallest joke sincerely hurts, and you just don't think that maybe it could. and i guess that is the point of this, someday i'd just like to be the first thing on somebody's mind, for my happiness to hold more weight than something this trivial. for you to think "this might hurt adam" before you say it. because it does. i don't know why this is continously too much to ask, and i'm starting to think it has more to do with me. i guess we'll see.
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[09 Jul 2005|11:41pm] |
so you should all know when the terror color safety security whatever color rises, very little on my train ride changes. occasionally a man will walk onto my subway with a gun, stare menacingly at all of us, and then walk off. if you happen to go to times square, there are a couple more overweight italian nypd. i suppose that is supposed to make me feel safe and secure, good thing only tourists venture into midtown. i have instilled my own high alert, which is that i only leave the couch to travel to coney island. it keeps me safe, and calm (which i attribute to the unlimited pina coladas and skee ball).
4th of july was earlier this week, and my friends and i got together to celebrate centuries of genocide and slavery, yay america. in brooklyn we do this with fireworks, alcohol, barbeque, and block parties. miss richie came to celebrate with us, so it quickly became a giant dance party. everytime firecrackers went off we all ducked for cover, until we realized they were not in fact gunshots. angel and i tried our best to feed nicole and michelle, i have decided that their incredible metabolisms are due to unlimited dancing and dance breaks. then i handed nicole off to vinnie, who i am sure will take good care of her if you know what i mean ;);)
you know how the early 80s are big right now, i am talking in terms of bad fashion and music decisions, well i hear that this fall we are skipping the late 80s and heading right into the 90s, can't wait. we seriously had it all back then, jncos, seinfeld, tribal tattoos, bill clinton, raffi. we didn't know how good we had, joni mitchell knew what she was talking about. did you know that butterflies are still in? no joke, women still wear that shit, i see it often. so this fall i'm hoping to see you all in adidas pants and white headbands, i know you'll look hot. michelle will be wearing her spice girl platforms, you won't be alone.
here is a random paragraph about music:
am i the only person who thinks that r kelly wrote part one of in the closet and then didn't know what the hell to do so made up some random shit about gay men cops and condoms in beds? i'm confused, almost as lame as dating a hipster fashion designer. the pussycat dolls are coming out with a clothing line, guess what michelle is getting for her birthday. in fact i hear they are looking for new member, but unfortunately she still seems to think that straylight run is a better idea than dancing around in underwear. in the long run i am happy about this, because i do not want a bunch of 15 year old boys fantasizing about my wife... britney spears, if you are going to make music can't you make me dance again? i may be the only person's whose ears bleed when listening to the new white stripes. do people actually still think that 50 cent is a talented rapper? and worst of the worst, apparently they still allow master p to cut records that consist of a bunch of his relatives saying things like FLIP and YAH in the background while he and his son rap very slowly and run out of breath over them. maybe they will put fat joe out of a job. that's all.
so listen i realize this is a lame excuse for an update, but now is the time for an update and i didn't have a choice. consider it part one of an extended update, maybe part two will actually be articulate, or maybe it will just have pictures and an in-depth analysis of "i want to be a hilton" (go team madison). it's dan's birthday dance party dance, or in my case take care of my sick wife and watch reality tv - until next time
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[30 May 2005|12:06am] |
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i have to begin with the best news of all, which is that i am done with tour. that is right bitches, no more scenesters for me. just a summer of fireworks at coney island, 24 hour diners, and nonstop sex with a hot lady. i discovered several things on this tour: 1. my deepest condolences to anyone who lives in oklahoma, kansas, or nebraska, yikes. the rockies should start outside of kentucky, why didn't god skip that mess. 2. when you come off of your bus and show your wife your new shaved head and silver caps, she is not necessarily going to think it is sexy.
this morning i woke up and michelle did not turn into satan and scream at me to die, instead she just told me that she loved me and went back to sleep. all in all, it was a good start. i went for a walk because i had too much energy that could not be spent dancing in my underwear to justin timberlake. to make a long story short i ended up playing on the swings of my local playground, an activity that can last for hours when you are me. i am sure that the sight of a 23 year old bald man jumping off of swings kept plenty of children away, not to mention that i talk to myself while i am playing... it usually consists of "nice jump adam"... or sometimes just "wee!".. fun times. i also treated myself to the newest star wars movie, alone because michelle does not appreciate the joy of watching the republic turn into a tyrannical regime. ten years ago i would have been one of those dudes in line the day it opened, but these days slamming my hot wife is a higher priority. anyway, i have always been a devoted star wars fan. i feel the same way about the new ones as most people do... especially since in episode one they tried to pass off anakin as being a product of immaculate conception... sorry i do not like the idea of The Force just wandering around and impregnating women. mystical forces have no business in ovaries.. but i still feel ten years old when i watch them. and episode three did not disappoint, loss of limbs, violence against the wife, burning alive, everything i hold close to my heart. i came home from the movie and immediately put in a new hope and made michelle watch it with me, very unenthusiastically. i tried to explain to her how it is like harry potter to some of us, and to this i just get "AHHHH HARRY POTTER I CAN'T WAIT!!!" i finally solved this mystery of bad taste this evening, when michelle watched titanic from beginning to end. case closed.
look for me, young, ursh, cruising down the belt parkwaaaaaay, doin what we like to do our way... usher and i really do spend most of our time together in a car cruising around nyc trying to find some free food or listening to mary j blige. we spent about a solid week together with dan, and risked life and limb and our women dumping us all for the love of cheap rum and dancing. all you need to know is, usher and i do a mean version of hollaback girl, dan lives (very happily) in the 80's, and none of us should be trusted around hard liquor. i can say without hesitation that ursh is one of my closest and dearest friends, and i look forward to more drinking and perhaps double dates, but i refuse to drink any drink called thug passion.
how do i say this in a way that does not sound like a kenny rogers song? i have been married for over a year, and i have gotten extremely comfortable, maybe a little too comfortable. of course this has lead to "you don't love me as much as you used to" and "i don't think you are as happy as you used to be". of course nothing could be further from the truth, but i know that it is my fault that she feels that way. i used to be an asshole to her because i was insecure. now it's come full circle, and i am too secure. i know that anything i do (or don't do), she is not going anywhere. i could be an absolute dick to her, and i have, and she would never leave me. so i have been slacking off a little bit. it is not from lack of motivation, because i love her so fucking much. and believe me, it was not a conscious decision, because i really love making her happy. it wasa more like, "i can go out with other friends, not pay her enough attention, and i'll always have the time to make it up to her." but you never really know how much time you have, and what if i couldn't make it up? and more importantly, there is no one else that i'd rather spend time with, she is my best friend. so why waste it elsewhere? i am going to try my best to do better. i am sure there will be times, again and again, where i fuck up, but i never want her to think that the way i feel about her is in any way waning, because it never could. and i'll stop being a pussy now and leave you with something good:
uh no usher: i'll takes you to the ccandy shop
uh no usher: oh my god jay z JIGGa WHAT JIGGa WHOo
Auto response from uh no usher: please epla some regagetonn dm,ajn
he needs to cut back on the thug passion...
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[15 May 2005|02:02pm] |
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[04 May 2005|01:27am] |
Poll #487358
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: None, participants: 30michelle and i often argue about which animal i most resemble. i have concluded that it is time to end this discussion once and for all, before i get called monkey one more time. so please, do not be shy, please let me know. which one of these animals has the pleasure of resembling me?
(and the correct answer is tyler durden, if you need help)
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[23 Apr 2005|03:15pm] |
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sometimes i am not sure why i like new york city so much. while on tour i dream longingly about it at all times, and then as soon as i pull onto bay parkway the young girls in juicy sweatsuits, skinned chickens in windows, slow-walking tourists, grating accents and white-belted hipsters make me want to lock myself in my room and then i realize this room is costing me thousands of dollars a month and if this room were anywhere else in the country it would be worth about 100 and then i want to claw off my skin and jump off of the overlook at brooklyn heights and then i realize that there is a 24 hour diner on the way so i drop by and get some chicken fingers and then i love new york again. i have a few days before i have to be in tampa, so i am enjoying the city. hopefully usher will swing by later and we will listen to the game as we drive to the bronx to pick up some pretty girl merch(matching pink sweatsuits) and some meth, then go by associated and get some fresh fish and fruit punch for a bbq/dance party that i plan on having to work on our ushen.
michelle has been with me on tour since early april, i drag her everywhere for regular sex. i have managed to get her drunk several times, this is the only time when she will dance in public. so far she will not go into a club with me while i have on my spiderman mask... but time will tell especially if i let her drink jager for a couple of hours. i also found that rum and sunkist is not as disgusting as you might think that it is. our most important discovery on tour so far is the gigantic jesus statue off of interstate 75 outside of cincinnati. we decided to visit jesus, who i should mention is right next to "trader's world". anyway, jesus was even more amazing up close. he watches over a giant pond infested by fruit flies and one of the ugliest stretches of interstate in the midwest. michelle and i spent most of our twenty minutes with jesus making puns about him, especially when we discovered that you can enter jesus, which led to fun things like "let's go inside of jesus". even more exciting was when we discovered that there are bathrooms inside of jesus. i am quite sure michelle will be joining me in hell, now. after we left jesus we drove down the road and went into a hustler store, where michelle expressed interest in a sex swing. i am sure she was kidding but she's still getting one. i thought that a hustler store would be much more fun, but it was far too clean and the large number of men staring at porn in the back room frightened me. i just wanted to look at sex swings. we then headed back to cincinnati for my sound check and some italian food. i had a horrible night, who knew that when you jump into a mosh pit your fans will touch you.... but things are looking up now, i have decided to keep a safe distant between myself and my fans by cutting off all contact with them and i am much happier since. matt enjoys talking to our fans and signing boobs... i enjoy performing. i do not feel the need to have long conversations with 30 13 year old girls every night while i could be eating nachos pizza or slamming my beautiful wife, sorry...
i also recently saw sin city with michelle while on tour, and it was not as bad as i anticipated it would be. i still think that they do not have a firm grasp on film noir, but violence and prostitutes more than made up for it. everytime there was something extremely violent on the screen i cover my eyes, and michelle screams with excitement, it is pretty messed up. she was especially thrilled with cannibalism and dismemberment.
you will all be hearing our new song error operator sometime soon, in which i scream ARE U ALRIGHT over and over although it is not a michael jackson cover. it is for the fantastic four movie. though i love comics i'm not the biggest fantastic four fan, any comic where there is marriage bores me and there's not even secret identities. i do love the thing though, and hope the movie focuses primarily on him so that he and i will forever be associated with one another. susan storm didn't know what she was doing ((sigh***
i spent 4/20 in washington d.c... for some reason, this does not seem like the best place to spend 4/20. in other recent events we have a pope, and it doesn't seem to disturb the population that he hates everyone who isn't white male straight or catholic. more importantly, i have determined that the closest person to god on earth is not the pope, it is indeed bono. o how i love bono...
do people really pay to see these suicide girl things in little to no clothing??? you have got to be kidding me??? homegirls are ugly, i'd stick with playboy if i were you. and buying playboy is better for the ladies, and let me tell you why. suicidegirls is using the old girls gone wild capitalist trick. i'm sure some prick does who is making money off a bunch of young ladies. do you know what suicidegirls get? a few bucks and a pair of panties, i am not fucking with you. at least playboy gives the girls some cash. yah i am such a feminist..... did i mention suicide girls are ugly??? all the tattoos and piercings in the world could not help these girls.
and i am going to echo my wife's sentiments, i don't understand why anyone would be nostalgic for drama, fighting, etc. etc. in a relationship. i am quite content when my wife and i are on good terms, not to mention she puts out more. if you think it's awesome to have a volatile relationship, then i'd doubt you truly love the person you are with. though i also do not like to judge others relationships and feelings... because mine are the only ones that are important.
looking forward to shar jackson's new single-
adam
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[02 Apr 2005|02:35pm] |
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hello everyone, you've reached my living will. should i be in a comatose, non-responsive state, i ask that my wife be chained to my bedside 24 hours a day and unable to leave. i ask that ryan cabereracabbage be played constantly, and that michelle keep one hand down my pants at all times.. i can feel myself slipping into a comatose state right now... and lastly and most importantly: i do not want any video of myself played on national news networks where i look horribly unattractive with my mouth hanging open... please people.
next Thursday i have to leave my couch against my will. totally unfair, being forced to play in front of hundreds of people every night. i am not in the mood to stop watching newlyweds, or to stand up. i plan on warming up for tour this weekend. this consists of running around michelle in circles and beeping. sometimes i practice running from 13 year old girls and have angel chase me around his living room... there is not much of a difference.
i have been warned that william beckett is challenging me for largest ego in the business. this just cannot happen, and i have devised a plan to hold my own... i am going to ride around on a huge float through new york city singing and dancing.. and i do not mean for the gay rights parade (this time). of course i will have those other guys in my "band" join me, but as always they are a very small part of this equation. i will wear sunglasses and have the nypd escort me, then i will assume the jesus pose as my fans furiously chase after me as we ride into brooklyn. of course they will close the bridge for me. no one minds being late to work for adam lazzara. take that bono. once in brooklyn i will park underneath the bridge and sing amongst thunderous applause, until my ego swells uncontrollably and consumes manhattan.
my friend usher is getting married, and as though the honor of participating in his wedding is not enough, he has promised me a huge chain with an A on it to hit people with. my wife has volunteered to help get his wife into her wedding dress. i hope that he is registered at pretty girl. in all seriousness, and without turning into a huge pussy.. i am incredibly happy for him. i do not buy couples who have been together two months being mysteriously in love, so it is refreshing to see two people who hate each other 90% of the time together, may all of your fights end in makeup sex. and congratulations lindsay lohan, for managing to nail down a man who is not afraid of the bronx, the d train, or hot 97.
michelle is forcing me to take her to see sin city... i am very skeptical of film noir brought to us by the maker of spy kids, but anything for michelle. especially since she has promised to poledance in chaps... that doesn't hurt. i recently named myself as the pope's successor but she hasn't been very supportive, much like when i named myself spiderman. she is lucky that i still do not deny her the unbelievable pleasure of having sex with her. i look forward to spending the next few months in a small 10x10 room with her. assuming crash is still breathing, i plan on leaving him with nicole, possibly not just for tour, but for the rest of his life.
i was going to make fun of phil spoon just for kicks, but making fun of something on the pony express tour just seemed sad. i had no reason to dislike phil spoon, other than him offending every single one of my boyfriends, but then i checked out his website and now i have a valid reason, which is that they support the use of marijuana for medical purposes. that is weaker than 50 cent, who i should mention very recently mentioned that he has never smoked weed, making him even more annoying (who knew it was possible). it is a sad day when our president has done harder drugs than our best selling rapper... what is with you america. which brings me back to my point, do you know what i support, everyone getting high for no reason at all. u suck phil spoon.
hurray for disjointed paragraphs.. that is all for now- until i take over the papal duties or my ego smothers you in your living room- love
adam
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[04 Mar 2005|11:59pm] |
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mr. usher raymond asked for me to update, and i could not resist him. much like michelle cannot resist hitting this five times a day.......
i have invited carlos bean to live with us and become crash's nanny, but i think that i am going to extend his duties to butler and masseuse. he has an amazing ability to live in brooklyn and watch movies with nicole in LA, o that carlos. with our help crash is going to be the most masculine man in brooklyn. i plan on raising him on degrassi junior high, hopefully angel will not expose him to too much motley crue, i cannot have my son around anything that girly. hopefully he will recieve the same five star education that nater has recieved, and no one will ever rip his heart in haft and sell it to the devil.
i do not do anything these days except watch television with my cuddle kitten and try very hard not to get up, and i am sure this update will clearly reflect that. once in a while michelle will leave to get more sunkist and i will roll around on the floor and sing lala to myself, that is my cardio when i am not on tour. speaking of tour please do not make me go back on it, i do not feel like getting up.
so...
please tell me why 50 cent believes himself to be a talented rapper, he raps about where he wants to stick his penis. groundbreaking, groundbreaking, tupac would be so proud, especially when he compares sex to a candy shop. whoaaaa deep metaphors. when i want to get laid i tell michelle to go upstairs and get ready to put out, not come and spend money in my candy shop... i am much manlier than 50 cent (but u already knew that). i also enjoy that he is in some sort of battle with fat joe, and the best insult that he could come up with is "lean back isn't as popular as u thought it wuz fat joe" wtl i thought you were from queens is that the best you can do??? what he should have said was YOU RUN OUT OF BREATH WHEN U R RAPPING WTF IS UP WITH THAT??? see, i am already a better rapper than 50 cent.
there is some gentleman on the internet that devotes a webpage to things that he argues with his girlfriend about. and as i read it i thought, he has obviously never met a psychopath like michelle. he clearly has not suffered like i have. so, things that michelle and i argue about:
1. michelle cannot wake up in the morning. just, cannot. i would rather run through iran wrapped in an american flag than try to wake michelle up. the worst is when she asks, no begs, for you to wake her up, and then when you do you are greeted with WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME??? HOW COULD YOU??? clearly to my wife, waking someone up before 2 PM is the cruelest thing that you can do to another person. worse than the verbal abuse though, is the look of pure hatred and contempt that she gives to you which cannot be expressed in words. i have created a visual aid to demonstrate for you all the pleasure of waking michelle up.
2. michelle never has a preference about anything. where do you want to eat? "i don't care." what do you want to do? "i don't care." do you need to stop by the store on the way home? "i don't care." do you want for me to throw all of your clothes onto the fire escape? "i don't care." you can even give her choices, it does not matter. which movie? "i don't care." we will stop in front of a restaurant and i will say michelle, do you want to go in here? does the menu look okay to you? "i don't care." but do not let this easygoing attitude fool you, no no no, there are wrong decisions. she would just like for me to be the one to make them. that way, when the waiter's name ends up being juicy d or it is too expensive, it is all my fault. she didn't care where we ate, and i dragged her unwillingly to this horrible place! how dare i!!!
3. michelle cannot seem to grasp the joy of getting the perfect seat at the movies.
4. michelle is never the one yelling. o no, michelle never yells. she is never arguing, or being mean. i am the mean one, of course. so in the middle of an argument, i say very calmly and reasonably, please michelle, stop yelling at me. and the response is always I AM NOT YELLING!!!!! i keep holding on to the fact that michelle will someday realize that yelling is a "loud cry or shout". until that day, she is not yelling.
5. if you ask michelle what she is doing, the answer is usually "nothing". how was your day? "ok". the only problem with this is that michelle is ALWAYS doing something that she feels the need not to share with me, and i always find out several hours later that her day was unusually exciting, involving things like breakdancers on the subway, running from the homeless, and chocolate fountains.
6. if michelle flirts with other guys, and i get upset, i am being an unreasonable asshole. no scratch that, if michelle is flirting with a guy and says "come over to my house and sleep with me right away" and i say hey michelle, stop it, i am being an unreasonable asshole.
7. if i speak to any other girls, i want to sleep with them.
8. michelle is scared of swingsets. seriously, try to tell me she is not completely insane.
9. this conversation:
michelle: i love you
adam: i love you too
michelle: no you don't (also could be substituted for the ever popular "i love you more", which escalates into a ten minute argument in which i have to surrender for fear of never getting laid again. can also be substituted for "sure you do" which has the same outcome)
adam: what???
michelle: shutup
10. if the theatre is on 53rd, and i think that it is on 59th, it is a topic of discussion for days, even weeks. michelle can not stand to be wrong, but goes to great lengths and finds great amusement at proving me wrong.
11. laughing at michelle when she is angry is a bad, bad idea, not matter how funny it is.
12. throwing an iron at someone is extremely dangerous. michelle does not seem to agree.
in conclusion michelle is completely insane and neurotic, and i am so in love with her. all of her idiosyncrasies are actually cute, actually very cute, and she is a pleasure to deal with. even when i am fantasizing about strangling her and smashing her head into a brick wall, i am simultaneously thinking "how cute!", i promise.
i have nothing to say about the awards....i still do not really know what they are.. all i know is that i was not nominated. i understand, you are all still soooooo angry that i am a married man. and if you dedicate more than a paragraph to criticizing or defending it you might have a problem.. but i did want to say that someone in britney's comments compared it to a presidential election........ i will not even make fun of that, i will let it stand for itself.
o & and last but not least, i thought that i hallucinated the leader singer of hootie and the blowfish dressed as a cowboy singing about burger king in the midst of scantily clad women... turns out i was not hallucinating... i might not even have to do coke anymore.... thank you basic cable commercials, you have done it again.
this post is quite obviously unfinished, but i am being yelled at, no wait, michelle doesn't yell... i am being asked to post, very nicely in fact, and i do not want an iron thrown at my head. c u guys later ;) ADAM.
DFC
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[06 Feb 2005|04:09pm] |
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my spanish is so rusty that i purchased an audio tape to try to improve it. but unfortunately all of these audio tapes provide you with pretty much the same phrases that are useful.... if you are some guy from iowa vacationing in mexico for the first time. tiene otra mesa? dos cafes, por favor!! cuando sale el tren? tiene un menu en ingles? this shit is not going to help me in brooklyn... i need to learn how to say "fuck you and back up your car" for the next time i am driving in the bronx. i recently returned from an orgy.... i mean tour with my chemical romance and i miss them deeply, but it is nice to be home. i subjected myself to the entirety of the new gwen stefani this morning, not sure if my ears will ever forgive me. i have to agree with buddyhead on the best part of her going solo is the pictures of her slutting out, not because i am attracted to her of course, but because my wife holds her in very high regard and will hopefully follow suit. there is another thing that i enjoy about the solo gwen stefani, and that is the four asian girls that she randomly has follow her around now. i wish i had thought of having four asian girls accompany me to every interview and concert. i think that i will put michelle and shaun into schoolgirl outfits and have them follow me to associated. so anyway, when my ears stopped bleeding, i thought "let's put on some REAL music" so i put on ashlee simpson.. of course and danced around the house. i recently read that more alcoholics live in our neighborhood than almost anywhere else in new york city, so i am sure i am not the only husband up at 8 AM dancing around in his boxers to lala. luckily no one was there because i know how jealous everyone is of my exceptional dance moves. well michelle was there, but she cannot seem to wake up before 2 it's a new amazing talent she has acquired. and if one tries to wake her up before 2, it is bad news. i guess she does not want to dress me up in diamonds, what a bitch i know.
the new boogeyman movie is bringing back horrible memories of my childhood. they take me back to the late 80's, when he was the most terrifying thing in the world to me. i somehow became convinced that the boogeyman lived in all basements. i am not sure how i came to that conclusion, but i did. luckily, my home did not have a basement, but my grandmother's did, so everytime my dad and i went to visit her i knew that it was the boogeyman's chance to get me. my dad's idea of entertaining me at her house was to tell me to go play in the basement while he and his mom drank maker's mark upstairs, and of course i did not want to tell him that the boogeyman was down there because i was very manly so i would go down and sit on the stairs in mortal fear. sometimes i would tell the boogeyman how sorry i was that he had passed on... i also became convinced that i could hear him coming to get me, which was probably just the furnace but i thought it was the boogeyman, so i would run as fast as i could up the stairs into the kitchen and arrive out of breath and my dad would just stare at me in horror... and now today i am still not over my fear of basements. it takes a very brave person to go into one of those things alone. the internet also feels the need to taunt me with boogeyman pop-ups. he's everywhere.. do they think that this is amusing, some of us were really traumatized by the boogeyman. i will not be going to see the boogeyman movie.
valentine's day is just around the corner, and i have not yet come up with something incredibly romantic and amazing to do. last year michelle and i spent the day at the beach in california, to make up for an earlier trip. this time though, i plan on something fantastically amazingly perfect, that even does not involve slamming her all day. hard to do i know. it is strange to read about guys just meeting this girl.. or guy.. they really like, and all of the emotions that come with that, because i remember going through that, i was still going through that this time last year. there was still a lot of uncertainty but i never had any reservations and i never had any doubts. i just hoped that someday i would get to a place where i knew that nothing was going to change, and i am there now. as much as i fight with her about flirting with other guys or she gets mad at me for being a jerk, it's not real and it's never really serious.. not that we're not genuinely not angry, but we just know that we'll always be together. i literally could not stand to be with anyone else, it just couldn't be possible. i could not even talk to anyone else the way that i talk to her, no one else could ever understand and i don't think i can even explain but i know she will know exactly what i mean. it's nice to know exactly how someone feels about you without them having to tell you, you know where you stand and where you will always stand, and that there are absolutely no circumstances that could ever alter that. i had a point, and it is that i hope all of you end up like that. but it may be harder for you, because you are not married to the most beautiful, talented styling school graduate new york has ever seen.
we are going to anaheim tonight, and michelle is excited, but not because she watches the OC, that has nothing to do with it, because she does not watch the OC, and would never watch the OC. i am going to have to gently break it to her that california is not full of lesbians. i do not go on tour again until april, so i am going to be spending my time trying to keep michelle away from all of the other men on her tour and groping her to soco.
apparently the superbowl is today...... who knew. i have to go work on my cage fighting now
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[25 Jan 2005|04:24pm] |
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My big issue is, Adam DEFINITELY has some issues with his sexuality... that guy, although an awesome singer, walks around like some gay supermodel... especially now with the red hair, either he's gay or an elephant used him as a tampon...
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[23 Jan 2005|12:04pm] |
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i always find it so interesting when people use their favorite lyrics as inspiration for their updates. i have decided to do them one better and use my favorite piece of literary work, perhaps the finest poem ever crafted... enjoy
A honeymoon at last, to get away from it all
My assistant Fe gave me the call.
according to his babysitters my 3 week old son is talking... hopefully he will be going to college soon so i have to whole house to slam his mother in again. he has been spending most of his time over at nicole richie's home, i believe that is the best environment for a child to grow up in. when i go to pick him up, i see nicole and start singing ooo girly i like it thug style and we begin to two step and i forget to take crash home. if all goes as planned he will begin to believe that lionel is his real grandfather and they will be dancing on the ceiling in no time. really i am not sure why he is always at nicole's house, except that she is his non-biological uncle's ex girlfriend, that seems reasonable i'm sure. i am just going to deem her *godmother*. i am scared if i completely abandon him he will end up like a good charlotte member, or worse yet, me. i am only kidding of course, but i am finding it impossible to write an emotional update about this. perhaps kimberly caldwell can help me out sometime.
I remember it well, as she was smilin'
She said it was called Turtle Island.
it's sad that you are all so jealous of my beautiful magenta locks. i know that you wish that you could pull it off, but you were not all blessed with a face like this.. i know matthew perry would agree. i know you all think that i am trying to emulate kurt cobain, but in fact i did it to try to become less appealing. it is getting out of hand... i mean brad pitt dumped his wife and britney just *magically* keeps becoming single. i am a married man people.. a married man with pink hair
I packed my bags light and quick,
Then grabbed my pink dress & favorite lipstick.
shaunny and i have been apart for some time now, which is pretty upsetting. i have been very busy, because when your wife gives birth and you have an anniversary in the same month it is very hard to find free time when i am not having dance break or pouring sunkist down her throat. but we have made plans to reunite and work on walking in heels and choregraphing to britney's new music. however the most exciting of our new plans is our establishment of the lazzaper ranch, which may look like a house in brooklyn heights but you will never imagine how big the swingset is in the backyard.. instead of inviting young boys over to take advantage of, we are going to invite over my chemical romance. i am not quite sure if jesus juice will work on gerard, but it is worth a try. i will probably have to spike it with something like bleach and absinthe to be effective. and remember boys, if anyone asks us what we were doing we were watching the simpsons. i am sure michelle will object but perhaps i will let her give some jesus juice to william beckett to shut her up.
We hopped on a plane and took our flight
I slept really well, all through the night.
happy belated birthday bonnie mckee, i love you deeply and your boyfriend inappropriately. i would shower you in gifts, but i gave you everything that i knew that you enjoyed for christmas. perhaps i will just bring over another lobster, maybe john nolan's this time. you can eat it, or sell it on e-bay for some new kicks. you will always be on my best dressed list ;) and another happy birthday to willa ford, don't have much to say except you should bring back the cop outfit
As we arrive, I turn and look out the door,
People are greeting us right at the shore.
A meal, a shower and some ice cream
Then I threw my man down, you know what I mean!
my wife and i recently celebrated our one year re-anniversary. michelle did not know it was our anniversary, so naturally i was ~very upset~. i screamed "you don't even know me" at her several times and tried to throw myself down the stairs. in all seriousness, i am going to enter girly emotional land in this paragraph, so please skip if necessary. it's a little horrifying and embarrassing to remember things that i said to her last year around this time, because i treated her quite badly. i have already apologized and given reasons as to why, but i am glad that the time has passed and that things are different now. we still fight all of the time, at the very least weekly. all of the fights are exactly the same, which begin with me getting jealous and possessive, michelle joking about it, me becoming offended and thus saying completely horrible things to hurt her feelings, and then a short period where neither of us want to apologize followed by us making up. at this point the making up takes no time at all because we do not even have to bother to explain ourselves. and sometimes when i am trying very hard to hurt her, she will just laugh and tell me that i am full of shit. like when i tell all of you that michelle watches the OC, she will forgive me for that...
Magical nights filled with stars
Silence is golden, no running cars.
Private dinners, romantic fires
Little piece of heaven, whatever your heart desires.
so we celebrated our anniversary in london. i find it extremely satisfying to spend thousands of dollars to fly ten hours to do the same thing with my wife that we do at home in new york, which is spending a lot of time in bed and then walking around holding hands and yelling at each other. occasionally we laugh at the homeless and crazy, very romantic.
Friendly "hellos" and never goodbyes
When you're having fun, oh, how time flies!
i know that i am not the core of originality, but does discussing law and order, kill bill and well, pop culture endlessly in every forum ever get old? this is a rant that i should not go on... but i am going to dedicate this paragraph to meaningless pop culture. does jennifer lopez's new video seriously disturb anyone else? i'm going to have nightmares for the rest of my life. and since i appear to be using this paragraph for random rants, i like many other people sit and stare blankly at the ashlee simpson marathon on mtv. i've determined that all that the show is good for, besides coming up with new ashlee simpson jokes, is to highlight how horrifying people in the music business are. does anyone else think that the president of geffen is a complete douchebag... he doesn't think that ashlee simpson is pop enough... uh... and he compares her music to garbage and hole... i think he should be forced to publicly apologize to courtney love and shirley manson. and now i have become someone who updates about what is on their television, so i will wrap this up with some more of britney's emotional words--
As we sit and prepare to make our part
I thank you, Turtle Island, with all my heart!
my hair is full of secrets, love adam
in retrospect: i used far too many "....", please forgive me, and forgive the post in general, i read another journal site this morning and i believe that my IQ may have dropped considerably if not causing permanent damage
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[18 Dec 2004|12:52am] |
you are all invited to my holiday party tomorrow night, help yourself to my food and drinks while i have sex with my wife upstairs
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ablazzara's journal
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